According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize