Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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