Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
