We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
that is very illegal...i love you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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