I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
