so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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