He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
