I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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