I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
