dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
