please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
