You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
