cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
