apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize