brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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