never play flip cup with pint glasses
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bring me that man meat
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
