you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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