She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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