how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
