i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
