This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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