SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize