you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
