her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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