he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
