i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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