Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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