Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My dick has a subreddit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
