I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
