It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
