i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
