Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize