That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
