i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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