Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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