so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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