You're my little dorito
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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