a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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