I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
