I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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