marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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