one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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