No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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