I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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