I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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