just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
