I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
