Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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