i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
