he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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