i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
