I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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