You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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