My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
