I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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