I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
