The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize