I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
