yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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