I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
